Drafted on 9/13/2019 3:03 PM
You are my love. I write this with teary eyes, not knowing
whether you should read this or not. I am also not sure if whether I will ever
share you this. There is a hope that this situation never comes.
You are my soul and friend, called soulmate. You didn’t chose
me as your friend, but perhaps I chose you as my friend as you are fresh in
this world, free from all prejudices and biases. This is my first heartfelt
letter to you; I had wished this day never came in my life, when I had no one
else to go to. I am not able to reveal this feeling to anyone, as there will be
consequences. But it is becoming too much to contain in my already troubled
soul. And I just want to let it out. Even my inner conscious is not listening
now, perhaps waiting for me to explode. Hence, instead of exploding, I am
venting it here. Maybe it is a coward thing to do; maybe it is just me being
insecure; maybe it is just me being so used to expressing it on paper that I
get habituated to and every now or then, I feel tempted to write it out; write
it to all; perhaps this time I don’t want any of my feelings to evaporate and
want it be there etched somewhere; in case; I or someone wants to know. And now,
I don’t care who reads it who doesn’t; or when they read it; if they do..It may
be years when someone reads it; it may be that it disappears or get lost; it
may be that even if someone reads it, they are not able to interpret; but
believe me this letter is not for them, this is for myself; an act of consoling
myself or even healing myself; I become the doctor as well as patient; coz I
believe I am stronger than this; and this might not be big thing after all; but
pattern after pattern points me just one things which deeply saddens me and now
I think it has reached the brink; it is overflowing and I feel, it should be
directed to something safe or else, it might drown me; I can’t let that happen
at this moment. I want to be strong as I have been earlier..I am sure I can
fight it..but for now; I just want to see how long and how much I can vent it out.
I am extremely sorry I had to involve you in all of this;
and it is now that you are my last resort; so that there is someone who
understands what I have gone through; maybe all this will seem archaic when you
are grown enough; but still you will know that I became vulnerable at a point
of time; and at this time; when you read this; please consider me your friend;
and I pray have a little empathy with me; that will suffice;
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