Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage
I have always ignored this topic for so long, but now i cant resist it anymore.I want to share my opinion. Don't ask me the reasons. (In fact there aren't any other than to add another post)
Since my school days, i have often come across debates,discussions, articles that always argued one form of marriage against the other. They mention various advantages and disadvantages, citing various instances from somebody's lives and so on. Some people even mention a third hybrid form of marriage---love cum arranged---where both take place. I have never understood why this argument finds place only in India whereas it is unheard of in Western countries. If there is any serious advantage of arranged marriage (as many say), then why it is not followed in other countries? You might argue India is a traditional country and its traditional beliefs still looks towards 'love before marriage' as taboo. But why only in terms of marriage and love, does tradition comes into picture? Where does our tradition go when it comes to Western education? Everybody wants their kids to have Western education, but when it comes to marriage, they resort to India/Indians.
I have finally discovered the answer.The simple reason is caste/religion. Having arranged marriage ensures that people of same caste are married. It is just a measure to allow caste to continue because some very orthodox people feared that their caste may get extinct if love marriages were allowed. They feared that their ethnicity would get lost. They were afraid of the dilution of their race,religion and culture.
People still look at other caste/religion people with distrust and suspicion.But let me tell them that in this world, only money speaks and no religion or caste. Money can bring betrayal even within the same caste or religion.
The other reason for arranged marriage is dowry. Believe me, dowry is still very much silently functional in many parts of India. I am not going to stress more on this, because it exists. Our society people try to mask the above inner reasons by the excuse that arranged marriages ensure life long happiness as the parents scrutinize the bride/groom for everything ranging from physical appearance to financial security. If all these things are okay, the couple to be married will live happily ever after....Do they???They force the husband to love his wife by social pressure. How does love/arranged decide if you are going to live happily ever after...does anybody have a future looking glass?
If arranged marriages mean some elders get to decide the partner, then even in love marriage , the guy/girls chooses his/her spouse. Aren't they grown enough or mature enough? People say the student has to decide what he wants to become? which subjects to choose? which career path to follow. Likewise there are many big decisions in a student's life that the society feels that the student should do it himself/herself and the elders/guardians should not force/coerce their choice, because it is the student who has to study and the subjects/profession should interest him/her. Fair enough, Agreed!!Can I ask why do they make exception in terms of marriage? Why not let the person choose his/her life partner in a manner similar to choosing his/her career/profession? Our elders trust our education system in making us successful in life. They remain silent throughout the education of the child but suddenly they jump and interfere when it comes to finding the match. What happened to their trust in education?
This is our society's biggest hypocrisy.
I have always ignored this topic for so long, but now i cant resist it anymore.I want to share my opinion. Don't ask me the reasons. (In fact there aren't any other than to add another post)
Since my school days, i have often come across debates,discussions, articles that always argued one form of marriage against the other. They mention various advantages and disadvantages, citing various instances from somebody's lives and so on. Some people even mention a third hybrid form of marriage---love cum arranged---where both take place. I have never understood why this argument finds place only in India whereas it is unheard of in Western countries. If there is any serious advantage of arranged marriage (as many say), then why it is not followed in other countries? You might argue India is a traditional country and its traditional beliefs still looks towards 'love before marriage' as taboo. But why only in terms of marriage and love, does tradition comes into picture? Where does our tradition go when it comes to Western education? Everybody wants their kids to have Western education, but when it comes to marriage, they resort to India/Indians.
I have finally discovered the answer.The simple reason is caste/religion. Having arranged marriage ensures that people of same caste are married. It is just a measure to allow caste to continue because some very orthodox people feared that their caste may get extinct if love marriages were allowed. They feared that their ethnicity would get lost. They were afraid of the dilution of their race,religion and culture.
People still look at other caste/religion people with distrust and suspicion.But let me tell them that in this world, only money speaks and no religion or caste. Money can bring betrayal even within the same caste or religion.
The other reason for arranged marriage is dowry. Believe me, dowry is still very much silently functional in many parts of India. I am not going to stress more on this, because it exists. Our society people try to mask the above inner reasons by the excuse that arranged marriages ensure life long happiness as the parents scrutinize the bride/groom for everything ranging from physical appearance to financial security. If all these things are okay, the couple to be married will live happily ever after....Do they???They force the husband to love his wife by social pressure. How does love/arranged decide if you are going to live happily ever after...does anybody have a future looking glass?
If arranged marriages mean some elders get to decide the partner, then even in love marriage , the guy/girls chooses his/her spouse. Aren't they grown enough or mature enough? People say the student has to decide what he wants to become? which subjects to choose? which career path to follow. Likewise there are many big decisions in a student's life that the society feels that the student should do it himself/herself and the elders/guardians should not force/coerce their choice, because it is the student who has to study and the subjects/profession should interest him/her. Fair enough, Agreed!!Can I ask why do they make exception in terms of marriage? Why not let the person choose his/her life partner in a manner similar to choosing his/her career/profession? Our elders trust our education system in making us successful in life. They remain silent throughout the education of the child but suddenly they jump and interfere when it comes to finding the match. What happened to their trust in education?
This is our society's biggest hypocrisy.
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6 comments:
strong views... pretty bold... good one.. i liked the connection with the education system... that parents allow us to take a career decision on our own but not when it comes to marriage.. i think it has to do with the nuclearity of indian families
Hey.. from ur post i gather u are for love marriage..
Well..There are ppl who strongly advocate arranged marriages saying they are they union of two families and not just that of two ppl..
But from what I understand in arranged marriages, more often that not, its the parents who decide that its time for their son/daughter to get married, more than the individual's choice..The groom/bride to be sees ppl of his/her age, his/her frnds all around getting married or getting engaged..and finally give in thinking that maybe its time for his/her marriage as well..
And in all of this, the would be spouse's societal/economic status does play a major part.. So it can loosely be compared to a business deal..
In the end, the guy/girl agrees to get married in view of all these things and many more, but mostly not due to the desire to GET married then, to the person he/she chooses but more cos he/she HAS to get married..
I feel once a person wants to get married for some reason other than like for these ones, u could say the concept of arranged marriage wins over that of love marriage..
Hey ramya, i didnot understand one thing in ur post.
U said "It is the guy/girl who thinks it is time for his/her marriage"..
U are concentrating more on the time of marriage and not on the concept of arranged marriage itself. My post focusses more on the choice of person.
Another thing is that, when i say arranged marriage, it means parents get to decide and the person merely gives a passive approval. U kept on mentioning, it is the person who chooses.
Dont complicate the definitions..Love marriage is love first, then the concept of reuniting.. Time decides only the time to get bonded in social relationship, it doesnot mean the time of love.
gr8 job yogi...
very well said, i agree to all ur points and can only add a bit in ur favour. every package comes with advantage and disadvantage...
be it love or arranged.
Westernization i agree but wait for a decade... every thing will be changed... india will be america.
well my personal opinion... i blindly follow my parents whatever maybe the case... but still i support ur views
Nice thoughts...
I am a Brahmin inlove with this Vaishya guy...and I belive that the burden of sacrifice will befall upon me...
I believe destiny dictates who we meet in life...
but its the heart who dictates who should stay.
I am going to fight for this love marriage.
Lord Ganesha help me!
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