Reaching the “Break-even” point

Today morning, when I woke up, it was a different feeling. Unlike other days, I felt neutral. I did not feel any emotional attachment to my past days or towards my previous lifestyle. The feeling of change had suddenly disappeared.

The transition was a big one as in the days following the change; I was a person fighting with myself, struggling with the unknown. The fight was between a student and a salaried individual. It was the differences between a young, unknown college and an established reputed college where an engineering graduate tried to master the “master” courses . It was the transition from Bangalore to Mumbai, shifting from being a flat tenant to a hosteller.

It was the change that I had been disliking since. I had been trying to somehow compensate the negative feeling of the transition with the fond memories of the past, hoping that this change is just a short break and the past would again come back with a U-turn. 

I had tried to count the days and got happier with each passing minute hoping that the two years would end sooner. Three months have gone so far and to me it seems like 2 years.  But today morning, I did not feel any such kind of disappointment or frustration. I simple felt calm, as if I had been in this life style for years. I no more missed the Sunday wherein I would lazily spend away time sleeping and relaxing.  Perhaps I thought, this new feeling is just a hallucination and would quickly go away as the day progresses and I would soon return to “normalcy”. But the “normal” feeling never came, leading me to the surprising conclusion that there has been a change yet again.

I knew the change would eventually come but never knew that it could happen overnight without any warning.

 Ok, now that the break even point has been reached, LET’S RUN THE RACE!!

THEY SAY “DREAM BIG!!”

You are allowed to dream, dream BIG, really BIG. They say you should dream. They say you are free to dream. So, you dream but little do you know that you are not allowed to achieve them. Because these dreams are not meant to be realized by you. It is only meant to be dreamt of. And do you know the reason why you can't make your dreams come true, even after being allowed to dream, dream BIG? 

I shall tell you the biggest secret of why you can't make your BIG dreams becomes BIG realities. 

The reason is very obvious but no one realizes it. In fact, the reason is the very same reason why you are allowed to dream. Does it sound strange? or weird? Isn't it weird that the same thing is responsible to make you dream BIG and also responsible to prevent you from making them BIG? It might appear weird for a moment but ponder for two more such brief and thoughtful moments and the truth automatically comes to light. This truth is the very obvious truth. And I shall tell you the truth right away but before knowing the truth right away, to better understand the significance of the truth, we have to digress for a moment and go back in history to the point when you were formed. The time when you were formed, you were in majority and you thought you won but you didn't realize that the majority is the least powerful. Adding to your ignorance that majority had won and was free, was this assurance that they would listen to you. They told you that the time had come for all of you to dream and dream BIG. And so you did. The trend of dreaming BIG has continued since then by every one of you without questioning at any point, this line of thought carried over from generations. It is as though you have accepted this as a basic necessity of life and freedom. 

Coming back to the truth which I had left midway to better understand its significance even after promising that I would tell it right away, the truth is that you all are still in majority and the truth is that you are still ignorant to the same extent as before and the truth is that you can do nothing about it. You can do nothing about it because you have never dreamt of doing anything about it. You have dreamt of all other things, but not this and that’s precisely why you will never do anything about it, even though continuing to be free and ignorant. This is the truth that you are free and ignorant. Free to dream the BIG dreams and ignorant of the fact that you can't achieve them.

Now, after understanding the truth and also after better understanding the significance of the truth, it's time to dwell upon the reason for the truth. Why can't you achieve your dreams, even after being allowed to dream? As I had already mentioned the reason was obvious, very obvious yet not being spotted by anyone. The reason that it was not realized by anyone of you was because none of you could do anything about it. So the obvious, yet unrealized reason is that you all are in a dangerous zone. It is dangerous because it is also the majority. It is dangerous because it is not the minority. It is dangerous because it is neither the upper minority nor in the lower minority. It is dangerous because it is in the middle. It is in the middle majority. They hate the majority. The reason that they hate the majority is also very obvious. The reason is because they are not the majority. And those who are not the majority hate those who are the majority. They are the ones who make you dream BIG and they are the ones who actually achieve them by preventing you to do so. Weird? I guess it is no weirder now. Instead it should be crystal clear. If there is still a shade of doubt in your mind and I know that it’s actually more than just a shade, as I knew you will not believe me, so I challenge you to achieve any one of your dreams, BIG or less BIG. And then you will believe me. You will believe me when you will be crushed by them at the very minute you think you achieved your dreams. And at that moment, you will realize that perhaps I am right. 

So can you never achieve your dreams? The good news is you can. The bad news is that after you achieve them, you cease to be the majority in the middle. You become them. Because the fact is that the middle is forbidden to achieve dreams.

Zindagi Migzara

Finally, I decided to rekindle my blog with the title post. This title couldn’t have been more apt as life has been back on track, after meandering off a bit. It had to come back. Everyone knew it. All were waiting for it. And I was more certain about it than the others. Since, life never waits. Because the fact of the Life is - “Zindagi Migzara”.

Life goes on. Whatever happens, it never stops to wait for you to recuperate. It never waits for you when you detour. It’s you who have to catch the train. And at some time, you are going to meet with the Train. Even when, one tries to change the Track, one will meet the same old Train at some point and then one has little choice other than to follow the Track.

But what happens, if two trains, which started together, after being away for a long period, happen to cross each other at a junction? Would they change their original tracks and go parallel for the rest of the way? Would they rather pause for a while to decide what to do? Does their decision actually matter? For, the truth is that the Track has already been laid. This track has been etched on the Life permanently and nothing in the world can alter it. An attempt to turn away from the track only results in false hopes and aspirations, which may be detrimental.

So, is there no other way? What if, the Train passes by and you watch helplessly? What if, even after seeing the Train, one is unable to board it? What if, one misses the only Train? How about getting a ride from another train to catch it? What if, this train meets the Train but still have to go separately? Is this how the Life moves on?

Is there no time to pause? Doesn’t life give a break? A short break to give time to think. A break very much needed to explain and convince the Train to change the Track of the Life.

Wrong Judgement

What is the one thing that we human beings keep doing all throughout our life?

We try to pretend as someone else.

We are never happy with ourselves. We always look out for other examples. Every minute, every second, we want to be someone else. We imitate someone all the time, both consciously and unconsciously. The reason for that is put below.

Everyone has an idol in their minds. That idol can be someone in their family, or some celebrity or just some fictitious person who possesses all the qualities and characteristics that they want their idol to have. All throughout their life, they want to get closer to that character. Hence, they talk like the idol, they laugh like the person, they walk, eat like him/her and in fact their every activity tries to imitate that of the idol.

Let’s analyze this hypocrisy from a different angle. Everyone behaves differently at different places. For example, a guy would try to behave like a romantic and loving husband to his wife, a strict and yet loving father to his children, a good, practical and professional at his office. Everyone have their different “spaces” and they adapt to that situation when they switch “spaces”. Hence the quick differences in behavior. The same guy might appear to be very strict at office, yet very compromising when it comes to family matters. The same girl might give the impression of being a very jovial person among friends but at work, she might act as a workaholic. Whenever strangers meet each other on a train, they all put up their best behavior and appear to be very decent and disciplined, which might be very different from their behavior in a familiar group of people.

Now that we have seen that human behavior is never constant and it constantly meanders between the different types of characters possible, the question is, what is the true character of a person? By looking at one face of the person, should one have the liberty to judge him/her? Now that it is proved that everyone constantly fakes their behavior, how does an outsider know which one is the real character?

In this world where we are constantly judged by the society, we live in the constant fear that we are being judged. And on top of that, there is the additional fear that we are being judged for the wrong type. To give an analogy, it’s something like we hate to be tested when we are not ready for the test and that too, when the test is for a different subject itself. It is because of this innermost fear that we, unconsciously, project ourselves as someone else, whom we think would get more score in the exam conducted by the society. Hence, we do not get, even one moment, when we are “unwatched” and we can enjoy the joy and the freedom of being ourselves.

We work so hard , we use all our spare time to get more money and during the process we lose the time to be ourselves and we keep masquerading as the fictitious, wannabe person, who is constantly fighting with the innermost true and realistic person.

GOLDEN MOMENTS

“I can’t find my red shirt”, “Should I wear my black jacket?”, “Hurry up! We are getting late”. These were the common conversations that used to occur in those days when the entire family used to get dressed up for a family photograph. After getting ready, they go to the nearby local studio. At the studio, they are asked to wait for their turn as some other clever family has already sneaked in before them. As they wait, they observe the photos of celebrities adorning the table and the walls of the studio. When their turn eventually comes, they rush inside hastily. 

Inside the studio, the family waits impatiently for the photographer to adjust the background and the lightings. The photographer struggles to fit all of them in one frame. After a long time (which seems like eternity for the family) of adjusting with the camera sets and the lights and the people expressions, etc, he says “Say cheese”. Everyone, on the opposite side of the camera, gets nervous as the ultimate moment draws closer and CLICK. A blinding flash and everything is over. The family doesn’t realize it’s over and wants to linger for some more time in the same position, not ready to believe that the shoot is over. Some how there is a feeling that some thing might not have been correct. Hence, the request of “Once more”. The camera man finally takes one more shot, not to mention all the hassles of repeating the tiring steps all over and once more CLICK and flash, much to the satisfaction of the people who are photographed. 

The head of the family pays the studio person and highlights that the print should be good and after getting assurance that the photo would come out well, leaves the studio. In those days, since the photos used to be developed out of the negatives, the whole processing used to take 3 days. Nevertheless, during this waiting period, both adults and children used to be equally excited at the thought of looking at the photos when they come. 
When the photos finally arrive, the whole family, filled with both excitement and suspense, huddles together. The head of the family takes time to take out the photo from its envelope, handing it delicately, demonstrating to the kids how to handle the sensitive paper. The photos get passed around and everyone gets to handle them but with the strict advice that it should be touched only at the edges. During this time, it is not unusual to hear sentences like “How come my eyes are closed?”, “I look darker in the pic”, “My face didn’t get enough light”, “He didn’t shoot properly”, “Next time we will go to the other shop, who takes better photos”, etc. Finally the photos are very carefully put in a family album which is stashed away in a secure place in the corner of the house. 

Compare this 3-day ordeal and drama to the 3-second snap of the digicam’s era. The digicams today enable one to preview the shoot, then shoot. If it goes wrong, re-shoot. Today is the world of instant photography. One doesn’t need to be extra cautious, any more, while shooting. It is the world of “Click and Forget” and one is able to view the photo immediately. The long wait of excitement has now gone away. The nostalgia associated with the feel of touching the paper photos and the memorabilia attached to the bulky albums is now reduced to mere soft copies on some laptop.

Seeing all this, I couldn’t stop myself from asking the questions “Have the role of photo- studios declined?”, “Do people still need professional photographers in this era of Digital Imaging? Would the computers kill away the art and the emotions associated with human photography?”

If I am correct, shouldn’t the studios be at loss, these days? But they are not, atleast not in India. I realized that the importance of studios will still continue. Primary reason is that in India, the role of studio becomes very much essential during arranged marriages. Still today, the exchange of photos of the grooms and brides between both the families is the traditional first step for the marriage. The photos enable them to make the first level of filtering. Hence the need for a professional photographer who uses up all his imagination and photography tricks to cover up the physical abnormalities like “dark”, “bald”, “skinny”, “fat” ,etc and projects a rosy appearance of the individual. Even throughout the wedding ceremony, the photographers and the videographers are very much in demand. 

As long as marriage is considered an institution, the photographers can feel take solace in the fact that their jobs are not going to be taken away by any type of revolution in technology. Rather, the technology would only assist them.

Having said all these, whichever course, the photography takes, one thing is sure that we will miss those old golden moments of photography.

Half-Democracy

As I look at the polling participation post elections, I wonder if this is what our law-makers had envisioned when they made us a democratic nation.

In spite of many voting appeals by NGO’s and awareness about voting rights, in spite of making the election day as a holiday and in spite of huge election budget for ensuring security (IPL was moved out for the same), we Indians have failed in our national and most fundamental duty. We have made a mockery of ourselves in front of the entire world. How dare we say that we are the largest democracy in the world when more than half of our citizens do not vote?

Now-a-days, people find time to write and discuss lengthy articles about non-functioning and inefficiency of government. They talk of all those things like “how rains expose the quality of roads in metros and cities”, “how cheerleaders are becoming a threat to our culture”, “how media has become paparazzi”, etc. They even go to the extent of protesting against new policies by making human chain or by lighting candles at India Gate. Not only that, the same people who don’t vote, criticize the politicians and mock at the politics of coalition governments, immediately after the election results.  How do they find time and energy for all these protests, when they can’t spare a couple of hours to get themselves to vote?

Democracy has now become synonymous with protest. It won’t be wrong to say “Democracy is a form of government, where people protest against the leader, whom they haven’t voted”. These people won’t vote a new leader and still complain about the current one. As if, they don’t want themselves to be blamed for the government, hence they play safe and keep their hands clean in the election process. As if, people always are on the look out for a scapegoat, not realizing that they themselves should be the one.

Is this the only way where we use our weapon of democracy? As long we continue to exploit the one-sided meaning of Democracy, we will remain “Half-Democracy”

The Unexpected Secret Test

A young brilliant Indian student prepares all his life to get into an institute of his dreams. It is his paradise. He compromises all his leisure time and toils all day and night and finally he gets a good rank and a ticket to the institute. He manages to get a bank loan and arrives at the campus of his dreams.

The rest of his life story is very brief.

He gets ragged and commits suicide.

Is this what our education system is made of? Is this another acid test that every fresher has to undergo? Don’t the senior guys in their universities have other sorts of entertainment?

Imagine brilliant talents from all across the country who have been respected in their previous schools/colleges getting abused and thrashed and humiliated in front of all. Suddenly their most-sought-after-school becomes the most-loathed-building in the world for them. And he/she had anticipated helpful seniors who would have helped them settle in the initial days. Much to the contrary, they stare in disbelief at the same people, now mocking at them.
Although for many of the freshers, ragging can simply pass off as a humorous incident, to be remembered and be laughed about at a later point of time, but for some selected people, it becomes a harsh nightmare. If these people get lucky enough to survive, the nightmare continues to haunt them as long as they remain in the institute. Their state of mind gets affected, jeopardizing their career. Their perception of life becomes that of a dark one. Sometimes this victim out of revenge, rags the next junior batch in the same ruthless manner. Thus, this infamous trend carries on.

It is for the betterment of these victims (however smaller in number they be), that ragging be altogether banned and the ban strictly followed in each and every corner of college, through out India. We should not let our talents get wasted at the cost of few moments of laughter and sadist humor of the seniors. As of now, every popular college has banned ragging and “ragging” is now a non-bailable offence. But apparently, there have been recent cases of ragging which exposes the flaws in the implementation of the ban. Many more incidents of ragging do not come into light, as the victims, who are all away from home, feel threatened and insecure in the new college and city and do not report about the incidents. In spite of the bans, ragging continues to be operated secretly like a secret cult, practiced religiously by its followers.

One of the important factors that have popularized the art of ragging is Bollywood. And I feel it is the same medium that can wipe out this dirty and dark trend. Ragging needs to be removed from people’s mind first.

Till then, every fresher will have to undergo this unexpected and secret test of ragging

The other side of IPL

When the first IPL had started, there was a lot of hue and cry about it being a threat to cricket (Test matches and ODI). Many had apprehensions about IPL, regarding killing cricketing talent in the country, specially about the bowling and Test match specific skills. Some people couldn't keep off their eyes off the huge money involved and always cribbed about one thing or the other. When there was nothing left to complain, they started criticizing the cheerleaders, as a threat to Indian culture and traditons.Every one wanted to be a part of this drama and entertainment, right from the media people and bollywood stars. In the midst of all these, IPL-1 was successfully conducted as well as entertained in all parts of Indian subcontinent.

This IPL-season 2 is no different from the first one, in the sense that it also had its own share of arguments and controversies and uncertainities,exactly before its start. No one can forget the security concerns raised during the scheduling of the matches. The matches got postponed, rescheduled to different venues and finally got shifted out of the country. The cricket fans (or rather IPL fans) got emotional and argued "How can Indian Premier League be conducted outside India?". Some politicians, knowing it was election time, used this opportunity to argue for poor security provided by the government. Many were sceptic that this IPL wouldn't be as hit as the first season, attributing the cause to the lack of ground support in SA. People had got so busy in these controversies and discussions that they failed to view "the other side" of IPL, which I intend to put forward, further in my post.

First and foremost, the message that I get from the government's decision of not allowing IPL to be conducted during election period is that the Indian government will not bow down to the pressures of IPL, where huge money and big celebrities are involved, thus compromising our security. We, as Indians, have known our limitations in security and hence have not risked our lives just to provide entertainment by a private association, however rich that might be. It has sent a strong message to the money minded business guys.

The next positive thing to notice is that the pitches in South Africa are bowler-friendly. This is unlike the last year where Indian pitches enabled huge exaggerated scores and gave little choice to bowler's strategies and tactics. Now as the matches are going on, we can see the more action coming from bowlers'quarters. Hence, this IPL avoids giving undue advantage to the batsmen gives a fairer deal to all players. This will also help in reducing the general misconception that Twenty20 is just a do or die game. We see many senior players, who couldn't do much last year, now performing well. Apart form these, there are many young Indian faces that have got a chance to test themselves outside India. Thus, they will truly get a taste and exposure of international pitches and weather conditions. Some might argue that rains in SA have affected most of the matches, but it's also been raining in Bangalore in most of these days. Besides, rainy weather is also part of the match.

Finally I come to the last topic of cheerleaders. Here in a foreign country, there would be no controversies to their attire and they have the complete freedom to carry on with their jobs.

Anyways IPL will continue to go on parallely with other forms of cricket and will keep coming back, once in a while, to give us some entertainment and critics will crib and complain all the while.

Question and Answer

Waiting for the answer!! And finally the wait is over. I have got my answer. How lucky am I? Are you jealous that I found the answer to my long awaited question.

A question that has been pending long ago in my heart. A question that used to bubble up whenever a slight hope of answer seemed to be near. A question that kept my heart and mind debating with each other about the probable answer all the time. A question that made my heart heavy each time the answer eluded the poor heart like a tangent. It comes close enough just to miss it as if it was all planned. The question had planned to torture me. It had conspired to keep me entangled in the tentacles of emotions. It never wanted to liberate me from the shackles of sentiments. I was held as a captive within myself. It played with me, teased me like a monkey in the circus being allured to food.Yes, it knew that I was hungry. And thus had used my hunger to make me a joker in front of myself.

The search for the ultimate answer had started ruining me from inside. The worst part of it was that I knew that I was becoming hollow from within. And even worse was that I didn't want to stop the search. So the quest had continued. When the rest of the world did their job and lived happily, I was running hither and thither, spying, tracking and continuing my futile search. The hunt had led me to A deep tunnel with the hope of light at the other end. And I went deeper and deeper and still deeper, to a point of no return. I was stuck. And I could hear the question mocking at me from outside of the tunnel. Was the mock of the question a hint that I should give up? But I didn't heed the warning because I had wanted to fight. I wanted to challenge all the questions with my own answers. I did try to break the tunnel, but the tunnel was strong and the mocking grew louder with each attempt to destroy the pattern of tunnel . Finally I had given up.

I lay in the dark, alone. I didn't get sleep. Then suddenly out of nowhere, I felt that the answer was near. I wasn't waiting now. I wasn't searching anywhere else. My instincts told me that this night the answer would find me. It is the sixth sense that tells you that today is the day. You will get all your answers today. The bubbles would stop. The sadness would be wiped out from your face. There would be peace and ultimately, calmness would prevail over your heart. You will get a good sleep. You will feel lighter and free. You would be freed from all the bonds of miseries. You will get peace on this planet. You will be independent.

Atleast that's what I had thought. I wish I had never known the answer.

Stony Story

DISCLAIMER: This is entirely a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any character, living or non-living is purely coincidental.

There was a stone. Let’s call him Bonnie. Bonnie used to live with the Trees. He enjoyed being under the shade of the big trees. He played with the other stones that use to gather around the trees. There was a River that flew beside the trees. Bonnie liked the charm of the River. He was mesmerized by her snow white colour. He liked her agility and determination. She was his inspiration and motivation. But he never said about it to anyone. All were happy and life seemed perfect. Bonnie gradually became bigger and powerful in size.

Then, one day, from nowhere, suddenly the Wind blew. The River was told by the Wind that she was destined to become great and powerful like the Sea. The only way to achieve that was by becoming the Sea itself. This would be possible only if the River moves on towards the Sea and blend with it. The River, being greatly inspired by the Wind, decided to achieve something more in her life. After all, she couldn’t afford to waste her life by just languishing there in the forest.

Needless to say that the stone was shocked and shattered, when he heard about it from the Wind. He kept his grief to himself. He didn’t try to stop the River, nor did he ask the Wind to persuade her to stay. Instead, he just followed her, as far as he could. He tried to get all the details relevant to the River and the Sea. During this course, he got corroded and washed away and his size reduced. Chasing, he went far ahead from the stones and the trees. Chase seemed to be the only thing in his mind. But the River became swifter and outran the stones and Bonnie. Bonnie, being unable to control his feelings, sobbed. Nobody but the Wind noticed it. But it was too late. Bonnie, returned back to the trees and quietly climbed to the top and jumped off in the River. The Wind stopped blowing. The trees stopped moving. There was silence all around.

The River was too busy to notice all this. It finally reached the Sea and blended into it. It became powerful, strong and larger, just the way she had dreamt of. But she also became darker, brackish and rough. When the river looked around, there were no trees, no stones and no Bonnie. She was isolated. The Sea seemed so enormous, and at the same time so lonely and empty. Was this what she had craved for? She didn’t need anyone but still wished there was someone, with whom she could share her happiness and success. Even the Wind had stopped. She started realizing all the things that she had missed and ignored in the past. Seeing the cold and unfriendly boulders in the ocean, she was reminded of those stones of the past. Oh!! There were several stones in her life and she hadn’t spent enough time with anyone. Out of them, there was one that wasn’t merely a stone. It was a diamond. She longed for the diamond, now.

Today, when one goes for a stroll near the coast of the Sea and concentrates enough, one can hear the waling voice of the River, amidst the noisy sea waves. Every evening, the River sings:

My Bonnie lies over the ocean
My Bonnie lies over the sea
My Bonnie lies over the ocean
Oh bring back my bonnie to me

Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me
Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me

Oh blow ye the winds o'er the ocean
And blow ye the winds o'er the sea
Oh blow ye the winds o'er the ocean
And bring back my Bonnie to me

Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me
Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me

The winds have blown over the ocean
The winds have blown over the sea
The winds have blown over the ocean
And brought back my Bonnie to me

Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me
Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me